im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
