Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
