my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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