i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
