the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
