guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you didnt know i had herpes?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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