he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
