I wanna bring you to show and tell
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
