If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
And then he peed in my hair
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