He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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