goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
