ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
