Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
PANTIES FOUND
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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