Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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