Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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