Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
