I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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