Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
