Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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