just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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