you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
