I'm passing your future prison.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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