this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize