i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
