you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
