i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm like, not good at living.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
