Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize