it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
