I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
