I hate all girls vehemently.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
