Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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