cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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