...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
