Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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