i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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