3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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