sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
