i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
