I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
