I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
