I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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