I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
