is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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