They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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