I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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