im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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