So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
