I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
