Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize