Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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