there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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