i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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