Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
