Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
