u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
