I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
