Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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