I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize