I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize