no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize