Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
