i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
