You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
