still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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