Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
