i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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