took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
