Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
