Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
