I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
