whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
