Soap is not a condiment
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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