Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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