You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
