It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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