He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
